Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Let someone know that you understand what’s going on. Often when someone is complaining to you or fussing about something, you will want to solve it with the illusion that if you offer up the gospel according to you, and deploy it just in time that you are going to get a “Thank You” note. More than half the time they are going to get more upset. So remember, it is effective to simply say, “I understand.” “I understand how difficult it is.” “I understand how exciting it is.” The more you empathize with people the more they feel understood. The more they feel understood, you can actually begin to solve the problem. So instead of offering up the gospel according to you, simply empathize. When you empathize before you solve it, solutions are actually reached.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
When you feel sorry for yourself, in addition to wasting
time, you are sucking life out of your relationship. When you say “Life isn’t fair,” the reality is that is correct, life is
unfair. When you say, “Nobody knows the pain that I’ve suffered,” then you are seducing people
into feeling sorry for you. Decide that
it is now time for you to become a grown up.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself and start validating what is good rather
than whining about what is bad. “Poor me” will suck energy out of a
relationship so turn it around and breathe life into it.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Love what you can love and let the rest go. Do you ever notice that you have a relative…
a parent, a brother, a mother-in-law, someone who you care about and yet they
drive you out of your mind? Their
behavior is insane. It makes you want to
dip into the Prozac, or open a vein or go buy them a set of cement shoes. “Come on darling, let’s go get some shoes.”
Well, what do you do about that? The
reality is that it is hard to reconcile the gap between the fact that you
really love that person and that you really have trouble with their
behavior. You might thrash around trying
to figure out what to do. Look at it
this way… love what you can love and let the rest go. Love what you can love and let the rest go,
that’s common sense. You can simply love
what’s lovable and quit fussing about the rest.
It makes sense.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The final step to resolving conflict, once you have defined the problem, come up
with multiple options, evaluated the options, chosen what you want to do and
implemented the solutions is to follow up.
It is absolutely essential that you follow up. You must meet again with the people with whom
you have conflict. If you fail to follow
up the whole thing will evaporate. And, when you do follow up, fine-tune and
keep going and the resolution is solid. Remember to follow up.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
In resolving conflict, once you have defined the problem, come
up with multiple options, evaluated the options and chosen what you want to do,
implementing is critical. Now, you want
to assign who is to do what and when. Perhaps
you are to take care of Option A and Larry is to take care of Option B. When you make those assignments of who is to
do what and when, you’ve got the traction you are looking for and the conflict
can now be resolved. So the key is to
make some accountability and assignments and you are on your way to resolving
conflicts.
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