Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Do you notice that people often will give you some form of appreciation? They will say “thanks so much” or “I really
appreciate what you did,” or “you were enormously helpful.” Do you ever notice how people respond when
you thank them? Often, you will say
“thanks so much,” and they will say “no problem,” “not a problem,” or “no
problemo.” What is interesting is if I
say “Thank you,” and you say “No problem,” then I immediately think, “What,
would there have been a problem?” Your
best bet, when I say “thank you,” is to acknowledge it with “it’s a pleasure.” Instead of saying “no problem,” say “It’s a
pleasure.” Think about how that might
work, “I say thanks so much for your help.” You say, “It’s a pleasure.” You
will feel good about it and I will feel even better.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
People will treat you how you teach them to treat you. What that means is that you set the tone... if people are ignoring you, you’re probably helping them to do
that. If people are engaged by you,
you’re probably helping them to do that. If you’re a “cold fish”, then you’re probably
teaching people to be cold around you.
So think about the tone that you set.
What you radiate, you attract.
People will treat you how you teach them to treat you. Think about what you want to teach them
in the first place. When you think about
that, you’re going to change your behavior to a way in which you want people to
respond towards you.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
If you are like most people in relationships, you spend an enormous amount of time trying to change somebody else. As a matter of fact, in most American marriages, you’ll notice that at least 80% of them have at least one person in the marriage that is self-appointed to fix the other person. And you’ll notice that the person who is presumably broken is completely unaware of it and has zero intention of being fixed. If you really want to change any kind of relationship, what you do is change yourself first. When you change your behavior, you have a lot more power over it and you are much more likely to now force people to behave differently. So, change yourself first and you will see a by far, bigger cascade of change around you by everybody else.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
If you think about conflict that you’ve been dealing with in one respect or another, you’ll notice that every time you encounter conflict you start to polarize. What that means is that you’ll interpret anything that creates stress from a position of two options. You’ll think about right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, win vs. lose, and all vs. nothing. When you start polarizing you are only thinking two options and you start obsessing about the loss, the nothing, the stupid or the failure. So what you do is make sure that in any situation around which there is conflict, that there are a minimum of three options. You’ll be struck to see that when you offer three or more options any conflict now seems to be manageable. So instead of polarizing, make sure there are multiple options… a minimum of three.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Have you ever noticed that sometimes life turns left when it is supposed to turn right? And if you are like most people you have difficulty reconciling the gap between how you think life should be and how life is. One thing that you can do to help yourself grow up is to remember that life is as it is, instead of how it should be. If you remember life is as it is instead of how it should be then what will happen is that you are going to play the cards that are dealt and you are much more likely to do something rather than just complain about it. So remember, life is as it is instead of how it should be. As a matter of fact, the way it is, is often pretty terrific.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
If you want to keep your marriage healthy it is important to remember this acronym: "To-First." "To-First" stands for the following: Tolerance, Openness, Flexibility, Investment, Respect, Support and Trust. If you can remember these, you’ll think, “To first get my relationship healthy, I have to remember those items.” Tolerance, Openness, Flexibility, Investment, Respect, Support and Trust. When you think of it in those terms, you are more likely to keep it on your radar at which point you are going to improve your marriage’ health.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Do you ever notice yourself returning to the fridge? You have just finished eating something and you go back to the fridge to see what else is in there? You looked in there for the last three minutes; on the other hand, maybe something else magically appeared. The deal is that you return to the fridge out of sheer habit, and often because you are bored or have little to do. The way to change that behavior is to do something different. Instead of saying that you are going to stop going to the fridge, you say that you are going to start doing something else; take a walk around the house, take a walk around the neighborhood, or read a magazine. When you do something other than return to the fridge, you are going to break the habit.
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