Thursday, December 20, 2012
If you are logical, this will appeal to you and it will particularly work if the person to whom you are talking is also logical. You will want to remember your algebra. If you remember algebra, you remember something like this: If A is true and if B is true then C must also be true. If you remember it that way, then you can create questions in that sequence and get somebody to conclude that it is a good idea to buy. Sir, would you agree that this is important. Yes. Would you also agree that that is important? Yes. Well, then clearly this product would be good because it would serve your needs. Oh, I see what you are talking about. If you think about it that way and position those questions, with practice you are going to get much better sales and much better results.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
A leading question is a question that answers “Yes” all the
time, and you start it with “certainly” or “of course.” When you do this, think about what is
obvious. It is curious that when you
point out the obvious, people actually get relived and they are much more
interested in buying or they feel very good about the value. You might say something like this, “Certainly
you are going to want to get the best return on this investment” or “Of course
you’ll want this to come in on time and on budget.” If you remember, pointing out the obvious,
open with “certainly” or “of course,” the person actually likes it and they
feel much better. So, it might work
something like this, “Certainly you are going want to read this blog on a regular
basis.”
Friday, December 7, 2012
The two-option or three-option move--this is an open-ended question, so you always want to start it with the word “Which.” For example, if I want to meet with you next week, I would ask, “Which day is better for you, Monday or Tuesday?” Remember to put your preferred option last. Or, a three-option move is where you give three options and put the preferred option last. So I would ask, “Which day is better to meet you next week, Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday?” Remember, the preferred option is last. You can ask two or three options. Make sure you open with the question, “Which?” So, ask the two-option or three-option move, put the “which” in front and it will sound something like this, “Which is better for you, buying one CD, two CD’s or the entire series?”
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tie downs are very under-utilized skills that allow people to feel good about their judgment or their taste. They are close-ended questions that are a form of “that is true, isn’t it?” Or “that is true, yes.” What you want to do is
Thursday, November 8, 2012
If you want to sell somebody something, if you want them to
sign-up, you want them to conclude quickly that it is a good idea. You want to create a condition in which
people actually want to buy. You can
increase that likelihood by asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are questions that start
with: what, where, how, who, which, when. Remember them… what, where, how, who, which, when.
If you can get into the habit of asking questions like that, you are
much more likely to get people to sign up.
If you are like most people, unconsciously, you are going to ask
close-ended questions and you are going to get “no” too often. So remember, what, where, how, who, which, when and you will get much better
results when you want to persuade anyone to do anything. What are your thoughts?
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
When you ask people a close-ended question you are likely to
get a “yes” or a “no” answer. The key is
to position the question so that you get a “yes” most of the time. It’s called getting the person in the
direction of “yes.” If you think through
how you want to ask the question, and you think that you want to get a “yes,”
then you want to position your question accordingly. More than half the time, if you fail to be
careful, you are going to get a “no” answer, and the more “no’s” creates more
resistance. So if you want to persuade
anyone to do anything, think through how you ask the question. Ask the question so that you are more than
likely to get a “yes.” For example,
“Does that make sense? Well, of course
that makes sense!” That’s the way it
works.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Do you ever notice in life, there are people who make things happen, people who watch what happened and people who wonder what happened? The population of people who make things happen is entirely too small. That might be you. On the other hand, you may be a person who waits too often; you are more reactive. My experience is that people who are reactive on a chronic basis are generally depressed and unhappy. Why? It’s because they are always waiting for something to happen. Therefore, they are hostage to the next move. So instead, make the first move; ask the person to dance, pick up the phone, and get the results you are looking for. When you take the initiative, you are more in control and when that happens, you are a happier camper.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
A lot of people believe that success equals victory. So, if I believe that success equals victory, then for me to prevail means that I have to beat somebody else, which means that I have an adversarial thought process. This is counter-productive to resolving conflict. So what do you do? You change your mind so that success equals advancement; success equals inclusion as opposed to beating somebody else. Think in terms of people working with you as opposed to people as your adversary. When you think in those terms, you are going to resolve conflict faster and frankly, be happier.
Friday, October 19, 2012
You can really disapprove or feel uncomfortable with or disagree with something and yet you still have to accept it. Lots of us have trouble with that. We say things like, “You know, that is completely unacceptable.” What we are really saying is, “I dislike it, therefore, I refuse to accept it.” And yet, the way life works is you can disapprove and you can find trouble with all kinds of things and you still have to accept it. Let’s suppose you disapprove of the sub-terranean that’s marrying your daughter, and yet you still have to accept that person. So think about that. Acceptance is quite different from approval. You will feel better about life.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Some of us have naturally smiling faces, others of us when we are having a good time we forget to notify our face. Research shows that if you smile it is pretty hard to feel bad, so force yourself to smile. The same research also shows that there is an endocrinological change that happens in your body when you smile that actually makes you feel better, so get in the habit of smiling. Even if you feel bad, the more you smile it’s hard to stay feeling bad. The whole notion is when you smile, the whole world smiles with you. And that’s absolutely true. So, show your pearly whites and brighten everybody’s day.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Common courtesy is very uncommon. Do you ever notice that when somebody thanks you, you actually feel good? And yet it is so rare that people actually do it, particularly from the heart. It is even rarer when you get a “thank you” note in the mail. And if you get a “thank you” note in the mail it makes your day. You save it and read it again and again. Why, because “thank you’s” touch people’s lives. So my recommendation is to listen to what your mother told you when you were little and write a “thank you note.” Make somebody’s day and show that you care. That small bit of effort will brighten their day, bring a smile to their face and you will be differentiated in their minds at which point the whole world gets more special. So, remember, thank you very much!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Do you ever notice when somebody does something to you that
really touches your heart, you say, “That really made my day.” Well, very often you can get your day made by
making somebody else’s day. We read the
newspaper and we listen to news all the time about random acts of violence,
when people are upset and all we do is feel afraid, unhappy, and angry. On the other hand, every once in a while,
somebody will do something that will make your day. What are your thoughts about making somebody
else’s day? How about a random act of
kindness? How about you call
somebody? How about you do something sweet to somebody
you barely know, something thoughtful, some generosity of spirit? When you take the initiative to make somebody
else’s day, you're going to make your day and that makes the whole day
better.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
People will resist when they are forced or when they feel forced. Do you ever notice that when you try influence somebody or you try to get them to do something and you have zero intention to try to force them to anything and yet they still resist? Why? Because they feel forced; this means that you unintentionally approach them in such a way that they actually resist even more. They get defensive. So what do you do? You think through about how they might resist and try to position it differently. One of the things I always say is “you reduce resistance by letting people have your way.” If you think about it in that context, you package how you want to approach somebody in anticipation of resistance and then change the approach in such a way that you are going to get less of it.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
People will keep doing what they are familiar with doing
simply because they are familiar with doing it or, people are creatures of
habit. If you run across someone who is
continually critical, all they ever do is judge, they are critical and have a
pejorative nature, and you ask yourself, “Why is that person so critical?”
Well, the answer is, they are good at it.
They have been practicing for a long time. Let’s suppose that that person is you and you
want to change your behavior, you replace the ongoing criticism with ongoing
reinforcement. You have to do it long
enough so that the reinforcement is more frequent than the criticism. The whole idea is that if people are
creatures of habit, you have to get the new habit to stick long enough so that
it becomes routine. So, practice!
Friday, August 24, 2012
When you are listening to children, they often will say things like, “That’s just not fair.” And if you are their parent, you will hear yourself saying “that’s right that is unfair.” On the other hand, if you’re a grown-up, you will notice that you spend a lot of time listening to yourself or other people say, “That’s just not fair.” What they do is they spend more time describing the problem rather than solving it. Well, if you really want to think about it, life is unfair, and life is fair and life is both. So, if you think about it in that context, you are much more likely to want to solve the problem, capitalize on the fair parts and figure out a way to overcome the unfair parts. Life is fair. Life is unfair and Life is both. Play those cards and you will get better results
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Do you know what drives me nuts? It’s that so many people in this country
somehow feel entitled. Somehow they have
this notion that the world owes them a living; poor me, somebody else is
responsible for my problems. I’m not
responsible; somebody owes me money. You know that whole notion that somehow
somebody else ought to be responsible for you? It drives me crazy and it lowers standards in this country. So what do we do about this? Well, if you’re a grown-up, decide that you
are responsible for your behavior you’re responsible for your actions, your
feelings and for your outcomes. When
you’re more responsible you behave more like a grown-up and moreover, you really
are setting a much better example for your kids and for people in the
community. So, take more responsibility
for yourself. Do it now!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Sometimes when you’re accurate and you tell people an accurate answer, they have trouble with the way it sounds and they push back. If you say things like, “Generally this is what people do.” The reaction might be, “No, that’s not what I do.” So, how do you get people to accept information? What you do is build in cushion words. Cushion words are words that allow some degree of flexibility so people will be less defensive. So instead of saying, “This is what people do,” you would say, “Often, this is what people seem to do.” If you put the seem to, appears that , etc.., in there, people will accept the information with a lot less resistance and you are going to get your point across. So, put some cushion words in there and it will tend to improve.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Most people when they try to get ideas across, push, they
tell, they get answers. And very often,
the answers are accurate, it’s just that very often you get a lot of resistance. When you tell people advice, very often they’ll
push back. So, what do you do? People will conclude, they’ll adjust, they’ll
sign up, they’ll buy, when in their terms it makes sense for them to do
so. And it makes much more sense when
they come to their own conclusions. The
key is ownership. The key is expediting
the process so people come to conclusions. So, instead of telling answers you want to ask
more questions. When you ask more
questions, you get better results.
People will sign up and only then will they decide to move. So, what are your thoughts?
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Most of the time people are very frustrated because they think that customer service stinks. Part of the reason it stinks is because people are unhappy and the customer service provider doesn’t appear to care. So, therefore, if you are frustrated as a customer you really want two things: first, you want someone to care and give you a sense of understanding that they get it and you want the problem solved. Therefore, if you are in customer service, my recommendation is when you are dealing with the public, try to find out what is going on with them. And if they are frustrated, you can really appreciate why they’re frustrated if you get into their shoes. You can say, “I can certainly see why you are frustrated,” at which point you will calm down their wrath. So show more empathy, it really works!
Friday, July 20, 2012
It is difficult enough to make a marriage good, and when it
is void of empathy, it’s really difficult.
So, what do you do? If you think
about it, what you want to do is get out of your shoes and get into your
partners shoes and try to imagine what they are feeling like. Rather than getting defensive and immediately
getting to that contest of who’s right, instead, say something like this, “That
must be difficult” or “I can appreciate why you think that way.” When you spend more time empathizing on the
front end you’re going to get much better results on the back end. Just simply spend more time empathizing
before you come up with your idea. You will have by far better results and a much happier marriage.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Listening is so essential in marriages, between supervisors and supervisees, and between customer service reps and the market. Very often surveys point to the fact that people really fail to listen. What we need to do is spend more time listening. The way you do it is you listen to what people are saying to you and then you play back what they said, particularly when it is important. So somebody says something and you say, “Let me see if I understand what you are saying, what you are saying to me is… this or that.” When you play back to the person what you thought they said, particularly in the beginning of important conversations you are much more likely to get on track and people will get a lot less defensive.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Sometimes people will make you feel guilty to try to get what they want. Somebody might say, “If you really cared about me you would be here this weekend.” Well, you ever notice that you feel guilty and you are likely to cave in and do their bidding? So how do you overcome that? What you do is divide up the message, after they say it. So, if they say, “If you really cared about me you would be here this weekend.” What you say is, “What are we talking about, how much I care about you or are we talking about the fact that you want me here this weekend? “ When you do it that way, the person is likely to get immobilized at which point you can actually solve the problem without feeling guilty. The key is to off-load the guilt to get to the real point so you can be less hostage to feeling so bad.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Do you ever notice people will go to their neighborhood
travel agent and book a guilt trip and give it to you? “If you loved me you would be here.” “If you really cared about me you would give
me some money.” Do you have family
members who do that to you, they guilt you into getting what they want? Well, it’s counter-productive and it’s
manipulative. So, how do you counter-act
that? What you do is play back to the
person what you thought they said. So,
if they say, “If you loved me, you would be here this weekend.” Then you simply say, “Let me see if I
understand you correctly, are you telling me that if I loved you, I would be
here?” At which point, they are very
likely to say, “well, no, that’s not exactly what I mean, what I really want
you to do is be here.” If you play back
exactly what they said you often will immobilize them and that will get
results.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Do you ever notice that you use the words always and never and you get all kinds of incendiary results? People will do that to you. Your kids will say “You are never home.” “You are always gone.” Your first thought is, “Wait a second, I’m
home often. What are you talking about, always gone?” The reality is that when you speak with always or never, those absolutes create all kinds of drag and
resistance. So to get people to be more
interested in listening and less defensive, you want to change the word always to frequently, often, or much of
the time. Change the word never to once in a while, infrequently,
or rarely. When you change always and never to these other kinds of words you are going to get by far
better results and as a result, people will listen with a lot less
defensiveness.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Often, people speak in dis-jointed thoughts and sentences. What that means is they start an idea, they stop it in the middle, they get anxious then they start another idea stop that in the middle and keep going. Very often it goes something like this, “people talk about, well, actually, they talk about a lot of things, well, it really doesn’t matter. Well, you know. Okay, this is what I am talking about…” When people do that, it is very, very hard to follow them. You might do that. So, what do you do instead? Well, you realize that sometimes your mind is ready for the information sooner than your mouth can get to it. So what do you do? You slow down. You simply complete the thought before you start another one. If you slow down and concentrate on what you are saying, you are much more likely to get complete thoughts and people will have an easier time following you.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Do you ever notice the way people very often forecast failure. They will say things like, “this may be a stupid question” or “you probably won’t like this” or “this may sound kind of dumb.” Do you ever notice that people do that? You might do that. You might actually advertise or forecast failure. You may actually encourage people to think that your question is about to be stupid. Do you ever notice when you do that, you say, “this may be a stupid question” and people think, yep, right on schedule, a stupid question. So what do you do instead? What you do is you actually forecast success. You say, “This may be interesting” or “this may be worth considering” or “I encourage you to consider this.” If you forecast success instead of failure you will get by far better results.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Do you ever notice that when you try to get somebody’s attention to tell them how their behavior bothers you, you tell them how they are? You say, “You’re thoughtless,” “You’re inconsiderate”, “You’re a jerk.” Well even if you are right, you are going to get defensiveness from that person. Suppose you really want to get their attention and want them to change their behavior. Instead of saying, “You’re thoughtless, which is called a “you message,” suppose you say, “I have trouble with your behavior.” It’s called an “I” message. So replace those “you” messages with “I” messages. So instead of saying, “You’re a jerk,” “You’re thoughtless,” “You’re inconsiderate.” You would say, “I have trouble with your behavior, which by the way appears to be very jerk-like.” When you do it that way, you are going to get much more receptiveness with a lot less defensiveness.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Continuing on the subject of counter productive patterns of
speech, I want to talk about speaking in the second person when you are talking
about yourself. Most people do it out of
habit. Instead of using the pronoun “I”
when you are talking about your own experience, you actually use the pronoun
“you.” Examine what this would be like
if I were to say to you, “well, you know when you get into the studio to do a
recording, well you have to do a lot of takes and you feel kind of frustrated,”
or I could say, “when I go into the studio, I record a lot of takes and
sometimes it's frustrating and then I hit it and it really works well.” So what is the message? The message is, when you are talking about
yourself, speak in the first person, it is more genuine and received
better.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
One of the most common habits that people have is they do a self-discount. The self-discount is where you actually water-down your perspective before you even announce it. It’s like saying “well, I’m not very educated about this,” or “I don’t know much about it, but here we go.” It’s like saying, “I’m lucky to be breathing.” So instead of watering it down, how about you actually promote it. Instead of saying, “I’m not very educated about this,” simply say, “Well, from my perspective, here are my thoughts.” You are going to get more attention from people when you actually promote your idea rather than apologize for it. So stop watering it down, it’ll make a difference.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
These are habits you have, the way you speak that is often a set-up for a let-down; you shoot yourself in the foot. One that comes to mind is called “putting your present intentions in the past tense”. What that means is you want to do something but you put it in the past tense that sounds like you wanted to do it. People will say, “I wanted to ask you,” “what I wanted to say was,” “I was getting ready to say.” When people say to me, “I wanted to ask you”. I often respond , “well, do you still want to ask me?” Because it is curious, if you say “I wanted to ask you, …” it sounds like you don’t anymore. So what you want to do is take the present intentions and put it in the present tense. So instead of saying “I just wanted to ask you …” say, “I want to ask you …” It makes a BIG difference and you have a lot more power.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Here are the five basic steps to do well at anything. If you remember these five steps you are going to really be successful at anything, in any context. They are:
1. Show up on time – be there on time.
2. Be nice to people - show some grace, some manners and some appreciation.
3. Do what you say you will do – make sure you are going to deliver.
4. Deliver more than you promise - dazzle them with something more than what’s expected.
5. Do it with energy and passion.
When you do those five things you’ll be struck to see how employable you’ll be; how successful you are, and how the money rolls in.
1. Show up on time – be there on time.
2. Be nice to people - show some grace, some manners and some appreciation.
3. Do what you say you will do – make sure you are going to deliver.
4. Deliver more than you promise - dazzle them with something more than what’s expected.
5. Do it with energy and passion.
When you do those five things you’ll be struck to see how employable you’ll be; how successful you are, and how the money rolls in.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
If you are going to do something, do it like you are really excited. When you actually attach energy and passion to something then all your pistons start firing and you dazzle everybody. Enthusiasm is a very infectious quality and the more enthusiastic you are about something, the more you are going to be attracting people who want to hire you and keep you employed. Therefore, do it with energy and passion, you’ll get everybody’s attention and you’ll have a great time at the same time.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
When you deliver more than you promise people are pleasantly surprised. It’s like a waiter at a restaurant who delivers outstanding service, and you want to tip him because you are thrilled and surprised that they did so well. So the notion is, if you promise to do X, deliver 5X or 10X and people will be touched and impressed and they will think that you are differentiated from the pack, which is exactly what you want. So dazzle them and deliver more than you promise.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Do what you say you are going to do, follow through on what you promise. I am actually dazzled when somebody says they are going to do something and they actually do it. It suggests that you have credibility. It suggests you can be counted on. It suggests you are going to go the extra mile and it somehow tells people you are going to be different than everybody else. Therefore, if you say you are going to have the report in on Monday at nine, have the report in on Monday at nine or tell people you are going to be late. Do what you say you are going to do and your credibility goes through the roof. It’s absolutely wonderful and you are going to be enormously successful.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Be nice to people. Show some manners. Show some grace. Send a thank you note. Show appreciation. Show the fact that your mother taught you the manners necessary to do well. It’s really remarkable when you are nice to people you are going to get more mileage. It’s like bringing more honey to the table generally gets more honey in return. So, if you want to be successful, show your manners; show your grace; show your appreciation. Be nice to people AND people will be nice to you in return. Its funny how that works... be nice to people.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Do you want to be successful? Most everybody does, it’s just that most people often forget some of the basic requirements to be successful at anything. If you want to be employed, you always want to do well and you always want to have people wanting you. Then follow the success formula and step number one is Show up on Time. Most people have trouble with the concept of showing up on time, particularly people who are chronically unemployed. So, what do you do? You make sure that you show up. If you say you are going to be there on Tuesday at 8:00, be there on Tuesday at 8:00. If you show up on time you get everybody’s attention, to suggest you’re committed, you’re dedicated, you’re going to pay the freight necessary to do well, and you are dazzling people because most people are surprised if you actually show up on time.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
If you are like most people you truly believe that if you reinforce the behavior you’re looking for, you’re probably going to get more of it. Do you believe that? Somehow we feel its okay to reinforce two populations: small children and dogs. If it works on small children and dogs, do you suppose it works on grown ups? Of course it does! Most people generally hear criticism or they hear nothing. Yet, most of us thrive on being told what we are doing right. Therefore, make a point of increasing the frequency of telling everybody what they’re doing right. You’re at very low risk of doing it too much. So if you’re terrific, that’s terrific. If other people are terrific, tell them!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Research says that when people encounter you, what they are
likely to remember is about 10% of what you say, 35% of how you say it, and 55%
of how you look; which means that 90% of what people remember has to do with
packaging, it has to do with the way you look.
If you look good and dress up, if you improve your appearance, people
are going to pay more attention to you. Therefore,
my recommendation is to take pride in your appearance and improve it… press it,
shine it, cut it, shave it, color it, curl it, brush it, elevate it, tuck it,
and pluck it. When you do, you’re going
to look more attractive and you are going to have more pride in your appearance
and people will pay more attention. So,
improve your appearance and the environment will as well.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Do you ever notice you’ll do that? You’ll say things like, “Well, to be quite honest…” or “I’m gonna be honest,” or “Do you want me to be honest?” It’s interesting that when people ask me, “Do you want me to be honest?” I usually answer, “No, it would be out of character for you, it’s really out of order for you to be honest.” They then look at me as if I’m sort of strange. The reality is that what you intend is quite different from how it is received when you announce your honesty. If you say, “to be quite honest, here is my position…” It almost is received in the following way, “What, you’ve been deceitful so far?” My recommendation is if you must say something, say, “frank,” or “candid” or “direct.” Instead of saying “to be quite honest” say “to be quite frank.” You’ll notice that you’ll get more the results you’re looking for without that kind of question.
Friday, February 24, 2012
The Yeah buts… Do you ever notice how people get engaged into that kind of conversation? “Well, I think we ought to do this” “well, yeah but that won’t work.” Do you ever notice that when you “yeah but” on each other you are actually creating more of a conflict because the words “yeah but” are a contraction for a much larger implied phrase. “Yeah, I may or may not have heard what you just said, but now I want to say what I have been rehearsing while you’ve been blabbering.” The reality is that if you want to increase the contest, keep doing the “yeah buts.” On the other hand, I recommend that you change the “yeah buts” to “on the other hand.” When you do that, it is much less of a contest and people are now beginning to listen. So, instead of “yeah but,” do “on the other hand.”
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Do you notice that people often will give you some form of appreciation? They will say “thanks so much” or “I really
appreciate what you did,” or “you were enormously helpful.” Do you ever notice how people respond when
you thank them? Often, you will say
“thanks so much,” and they will say “no problem,” “not a problem,” or “no
problemo.” What is interesting is if I
say “Thank you,” and you say “No problem,” then I immediately think, “What,
would there have been a problem?” Your
best bet, when I say “thank you,” is to acknowledge it with “it’s a pleasure.” Instead of saying “no problem,” say “It’s a
pleasure.” Think about how that might
work, “I say thanks so much for your help.” You say, “It’s a pleasure.” You
will feel good about it and I will feel even better.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
People will treat you how you teach them to treat you. What that means is that you set the tone... if people are ignoring you, you’re probably helping them to do
that. If people are engaged by you,
you’re probably helping them to do that. If you’re a “cold fish”, then you’re probably
teaching people to be cold around you.
So think about the tone that you set.
What you radiate, you attract.
People will treat you how you teach them to treat you. Think about what you want to teach them
in the first place. When you think about
that, you’re going to change your behavior to a way in which you want people to
respond towards you.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
If you are like most people in relationships, you spend an enormous amount of time trying to change somebody else. As a matter of fact, in most American marriages, you’ll notice that at least 80% of them have at least one person in the marriage that is self-appointed to fix the other person. And you’ll notice that the person who is presumably broken is completely unaware of it and has zero intention of being fixed. If you really want to change any kind of relationship, what you do is change yourself first. When you change your behavior, you have a lot more power over it and you are much more likely to now force people to behave differently. So, change yourself first and you will see a by far, bigger cascade of change around you by everybody else.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
If you think about conflict that you’ve been dealing with in one respect or another, you’ll notice that every time you encounter conflict you start to polarize. What that means is that you’ll interpret anything that creates stress from a position of two options. You’ll think about right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, win vs. lose, and all vs. nothing. When you start polarizing you are only thinking two options and you start obsessing about the loss, the nothing, the stupid or the failure. So what you do is make sure that in any situation around which there is conflict, that there are a minimum of three options. You’ll be struck to see that when you offer three or more options any conflict now seems to be manageable. So instead of polarizing, make sure there are multiple options… a minimum of three.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Have you ever noticed that sometimes life turns left when it is supposed to turn right? And if you are like most people you have difficulty reconciling the gap between how you think life should be and how life is. One thing that you can do to help yourself grow up is to remember that life is as it is, instead of how it should be. If you remember life is as it is instead of how it should be then what will happen is that you are going to play the cards that are dealt and you are much more likely to do something rather than just complain about it. So remember, life is as it is instead of how it should be. As a matter of fact, the way it is, is often pretty terrific.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
If you want to keep your marriage healthy it is important to remember this acronym: "To-First." "To-First" stands for the following: Tolerance, Openness, Flexibility, Investment, Respect, Support and Trust. If you can remember these, you’ll think, “To first get my relationship healthy, I have to remember those items.” Tolerance, Openness, Flexibility, Investment, Respect, Support and Trust. When you think of it in those terms, you are more likely to keep it on your radar at which point you are going to improve your marriage’ health.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Do you ever notice yourself returning to the fridge? You have just finished eating something and you go back to the fridge to see what else is in there? You looked in there for the last three minutes; on the other hand, maybe something else magically appeared. The deal is that you return to the fridge out of sheer habit, and often because you are bored or have little to do. The way to change that behavior is to do something different. Instead of saying that you are going to stop going to the fridge, you say that you are going to start doing something else; take a walk around the house, take a walk around the neighborhood, or read a magazine. When you do something other than return to the fridge, you are going to break the habit.
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