Monday, September 24, 2012
Do you ever notice when somebody does something to you that
really touches your heart, you say, “That really made my day.” Well, very often you can get your day made by
making somebody else’s day. We read the
newspaper and we listen to news all the time about random acts of violence,
when people are upset and all we do is feel afraid, unhappy, and angry. On the other hand, every once in a while,
somebody will do something that will make your day. What are your thoughts about making somebody
else’s day? How about a random act of
kindness? How about you call
somebody? How about you do something sweet to somebody
you barely know, something thoughtful, some generosity of spirit? When you take the initiative to make somebody
else’s day, you're going to make your day and that makes the whole day
better.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
People will resist when they are forced or when they feel forced. Do you ever notice that when you try influence somebody or you try to get them to do something and you have zero intention to try to force them to anything and yet they still resist? Why? Because they feel forced; this means that you unintentionally approach them in such a way that they actually resist even more. They get defensive. So what do you do? You think through about how they might resist and try to position it differently. One of the things I always say is “you reduce resistance by letting people have your way.” If you think about it in that context, you package how you want to approach somebody in anticipation of resistance and then change the approach in such a way that you are going to get less of it.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
People will keep doing what they are familiar with doing
simply because they are familiar with doing it or, people are creatures of
habit. If you run across someone who is
continually critical, all they ever do is judge, they are critical and have a
pejorative nature, and you ask yourself, “Why is that person so critical?”
Well, the answer is, they are good at it.
They have been practicing for a long time. Let’s suppose that that person is you and you
want to change your behavior, you replace the ongoing criticism with ongoing
reinforcement. You have to do it long
enough so that the reinforcement is more frequent than the criticism. The whole idea is that if people are
creatures of habit, you have to get the new habit to stick long enough so that
it becomes routine. So, practice!
Friday, August 24, 2012
When you are listening to children, they often will say things like, “That’s just not fair.” And if you are their parent, you will hear yourself saying “that’s right that is unfair.” On the other hand, if you’re a grown-up, you will notice that you spend a lot of time listening to yourself or other people say, “That’s just not fair.” What they do is they spend more time describing the problem rather than solving it. Well, if you really want to think about it, life is unfair, and life is fair and life is both. So, if you think about it in that context, you are much more likely to want to solve the problem, capitalize on the fair parts and figure out a way to overcome the unfair parts. Life is fair. Life is unfair and Life is both. Play those cards and you will get better results
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Do you know what drives me nuts? It’s that so many people in this country
somehow feel entitled. Somehow they have
this notion that the world owes them a living; poor me, somebody else is
responsible for my problems. I’m not
responsible; somebody owes me money. You know that whole notion that somehow
somebody else ought to be responsible for you? It drives me crazy and it lowers standards in this country. So what do we do about this? Well, if you’re a grown-up, decide that you
are responsible for your behavior you’re responsible for your actions, your
feelings and for your outcomes. When
you’re more responsible you behave more like a grown-up and moreover, you really
are setting a much better example for your kids and for people in the
community. So, take more responsibility
for yourself. Do it now!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Sometimes when you’re accurate and you tell people an accurate answer, they have trouble with the way it sounds and they push back. If you say things like, “Generally this is what people do.” The reaction might be, “No, that’s not what I do.” So, how do you get people to accept information? What you do is build in cushion words. Cushion words are words that allow some degree of flexibility so people will be less defensive. So instead of saying, “This is what people do,” you would say, “Often, this is what people seem to do.” If you put the seem to, appears that , etc.., in there, people will accept the information with a lot less resistance and you are going to get your point across. So, put some cushion words in there and it will tend to improve.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Most people when they try to get ideas across, push, they
tell, they get answers. And very often,
the answers are accurate, it’s just that very often you get a lot of resistance. When you tell people advice, very often they’ll
push back. So, what do you do? People will conclude, they’ll adjust, they’ll
sign up, they’ll buy, when in their terms it makes sense for them to do
so. And it makes much more sense when
they come to their own conclusions. The
key is ownership. The key is expediting
the process so people come to conclusions. So, instead of telling answers you want to ask
more questions. When you ask more
questions, you get better results.
People will sign up and only then will they decide to move. So, what are your thoughts?
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