Maximizing Performance Through Applied Common Sense*

If you want to sell somebody something, if you want them to sign-up, you want them to conclude quickly that it is a good idea.  You want to create a condition in which people actually want to buy.  You can increase that likelihood by asking open-ended questions.  Open-ended questions are questions that start with: what, where, how, who, which, when.  Remember them… what, where, how, who, which, when.  If you can get into the habit of asking questions like that, you are much more likely to get people to sign up.  If you are like most people, unconsciously, you are going to ask close-ended questions and you are going to get “no” too often.  So remember, what, where, how, who, which, when and you will get much better results when you want to persuade anyone to do anything.  What are your thoughts?  

When you ask people a close-ended question you are likely to get a “yes” or a “no” answer.  The key is to position the question so that you get a “yes” most of the time.  It’s called getting the person in the direction of “yes.”  If you think through how you want to ask the question, and you think that you want to get a “yes,” then you want to position your question accordingly.  More than half the time, if you fail to be careful, you are going to get a “no” answer, and the more “no’s” creates more resistance.  So if you want to persuade anyone to do anything, think through how you ask the question.  Ask the question so that you are more than likely to get a “yes.”  For example, “Does that make sense?  Well, of course that makes sense!”  That’s the way it works.  

Do you ever notice when somebody does something to you that really touches your heart, you say, “That really made my day.”  Well, very often you can get your day made by making somebody else’s day.  We read the newspaper and we listen to news all the time about random acts of violence, when people are upset and all we do is feel afraid, unhappy, and angry.  On the other hand, every once in a while, somebody will do something that will make your day.  What are your thoughts about making somebody else’s day?  How about a random act of kindness?  How about you call somebody?   How about you do something sweet to somebody you barely know, something thoughtful, some generosity of spirit?  When you take the initiative to make somebody else’s day, you're going to make your day and that makes the whole day better.  

Do you know what drives me nuts?  It’s that so many people in this country somehow feel entitled.  Somehow they have this notion that the world owes them a living; poor me, somebody else is responsible for my problems.  I’m not responsible; somebody owes me money.  You know that whole notion that somehow somebody else ought to be responsible for you?  It drives me crazy and it lowers standards in this country.  So what do we do about this?  Well, if you’re a grown-up, decide that you are responsible for your behavior you’re responsible for your actions, your feelings and for your outcomes.  When you’re more responsible you behave more like a grown-up and moreover, you really are setting a much better example for your kids and for people in the community.  So, take more responsibility for yourself.  Do it now!

Most people when they try to get ideas across, push, they tell, they get answers.  And very often, the answers are accurate, it’s just that very often you get a lot of resistance.  When you tell people advice, very often they’ll push back.  So, what do you do?  People will conclude, they’ll adjust, they’ll sign up, they’ll buy, when in their terms it makes sense for them to do so.  And it makes much more sense when they come to their own conclusions.  The key is ownership.  The key is expediting the process so people come to conclusions.  So, instead of telling answers you want to ask more questions.  When you ask more questions, you get better results.  People will sign up and only then will they decide to move.  So, what are your thoughts?  

It is difficult enough to make a marriage good, and when it is void of empathy, it’s really difficult.  So, what do you do?  If you think about it, what you want to do is get out of your shoes and get into your partners shoes and try to imagine what they are feeling like.  Rather than getting defensive and immediately getting to that contest of who’s right, instead, say something like this, “That must be difficult” or “I can appreciate why you think that way.”  When you spend more time empathizing on the front end you’re going to get much better results on the back end.  Just simply spend more time empathizing before you come up with your idea.  You will have by far better results and a much happier marriage.  

Do you ever notice people will go to their neighborhood travel agent and book a guilt trip and give it to you?  “If you loved me you would be here.”  “If you really cared about me you would give me some money.”  Do you have family members who do that to you, they guilt you into getting what they want?  Well, it’s counter-productive and it’s manipulative.  So, how do you counter-act that?  What you do is play back to the person what you thought they said.  So, if they say, “If you loved me, you would be here this weekend.”  Then you simply say, “Let me see if I understand you correctly, are you telling me that if I loved you, I would be here?”  At which point, they are very likely to say, “well, no, that’s not exactly what I mean, what I really want you to do is be here.”  If you play back exactly what they said you often will immobilize them and that will get results.  

Do you ever notice that you use the words always and never and you get all kinds of incendiary results?  People will do that to you.  Your kids will say “You are never home.” “You are always gone.”  Your first thought is, “Wait a second, I’m home often.  What are you talking about, always gone?”  The reality is that when you speak with always or never, those absolutes create all kinds of drag and resistance.  So to get people to be more interested in listening and less defensive, you want to change the word always to frequently, often, or much of the time.  Change the word never to once in a while, infrequently, or rarely.  When you change always and never to these other kinds of words you are going to get by far better results and as a result, people will listen with a lot less defensiveness.